


amare

by cafei_au_lei



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Minor Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, POV Ginny Weasley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafei_au_lei/pseuds/cafei_au_lei
Summary: At first, the idea that Tonks and Professor Lupin could be together was equal parts baffling and absurd. But then, maybe it did make a tiny bit of sense, Ginny thought, as she watched the way Professor Lupin looked at Tonks over the breakfast table. But she still couldn't help but think that this love and relationships thing was far too complicated. RLNT.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	amare

_December 1995_

"Hermione, I'm starving. Let's _go_."

"Didn't you eat enough at dinner?"

"I did, but dinner was ages ago. Now come on. I promise no one else is up right now; now is our chance."

"But what if your mum -"

Ginny shushed her friend, cutting off Hermione's fretting. "Mum'll be dead asleep by now, I swear it," she replied. "Now come on, I'm _hungry_."

Hermione rolled her eyes, but she cracked the door open all the same. They started to make their way down the hallway, freezing and pressing themselves back up against the door as they suddenly heard noise from one of the rooms in the hallway, the room diagonal from theirs.

Ginny's head whipped around to stare at Hermione; even in the dark, she could see that the other witch's eyes were wide. "Is that...?" Hermione whispered.

"That's Professor Lupin's room, isn't it?" They both fell silent, listening to the muffled voice... _voices_ filtering through the closed door.

"Does...is there a _woman_ in Professor Lupin's room?"

Ginny's brow crinkled in confusion. "Who on earth...it's nearly half one, who would be -"

She abruptly cut off and they flattened themselves even more desperately against the wall as the door to their professor's room opened now. They heard the woman whisper, "I'll be back in a moment," and then suddenly, Ginny felt her jaw drop of its own accord as she saw the person who stepped quietly out of the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

 _Tonks? What was_ _Tonks_ _doing in Professor Lupin's room at this hour?_

She looked wildly again at Hermione, who shook her head - it was too late for them to sneak back into their room, their best bet was to continue towards the stairs and quietly, _quietly_ , make their way down them while hoping that Tonks was simply heading to the bathroom, and not going the same way that they were going -

"Ginny? Hermione?"

Ginny winced as she heard Tonks' startled whisper. "Er -"

The pink haired witch was frozen near the top of the stairs, looking down at them with wide eyes. " _Bollocks_ ," she hissed suddenly, throwing a glance back over her shoulder. She sighed as she started to carefully make her way down the stairs, brushing past them.

"Tonks -"

"Not here," she whispered urgently. "Not here. I'm going to the kitchen."

"That's where we were headed too," Hermione replied quietly.

When they'd finally reached the kitchen, Tonks whirled around as soon as the door had shut. Her cheeks were flaming, giving her hair a run for its money. Hair which was rather tousled, Ginny noted dryly.

She chewed her lip briefly, which Ginny knew meant she was nervous. Or trying to think quickly. Perhaps both. "Remus forgot his wand downstairs, after the meeting, so I was just -"

"You're wearing the jumper he was wearing earlier," Ginny pointed out helpfully, feeling only slightly guilty as Tonks winced. "It's also half one. The meeting ended at nine. And I saw Professor Lupin tuck his wand into his pocket after dinner, where he always keeps it." Tonks groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. Ginny exchanged alarmed looks with Hermione.

"It's okay, we won't tell anyone," Hermione soothed.

Tonks let out her breath in a loud huff, sounding uncharacteristically ruffled. "Goddammit. Okay, but you _really_ cannot tell anyone, alright? Not even Harry or Ron."

"Especially not Harry or Ron," Ginny agreed, looking sideways at Hermione as the other girl nodded fervently. "Really, we won't, Tonks. Your secret is safe with us." She made a cross over her heart, then grinned at the older witch. "I have _so_ many questions, though -"

"And if any of them are about your former professor, I shall _not_ be answering them," Tonks replied dryly, fixing up the kettle. "What are you girls doing out of bed now, anyway?"

"Hungry," Ginny shrugged.

"Right."

"What are _you_ doing up and out of bed?" Ginny countered slyly.

Tonks threw her a look as she continued to fix what appeared to be a mug of peppermint tea. "Making a chaser for a dose of wolfsbane potion."

Ginny was confused for a moment, but a look of comprehension dawned across Hermione's face as she nodded fervently. "It's a pity it can't be mixed with anything, it's supposed to taste absolutely horrid. That's what Professor Lupin said when I asked him once about the brewing process, anyway. But the books say that it's rendered useless by adding any type of sweetener." Hermione gestured to the mug that Tonks was now clutching. "That is sweet of you to bring something to him to help."

Tonks flushed a bit, though she smiled at Ginny and Hermione as she stirred a small dollop of honey into the tea. Tonks normally hung around to chat, but Ginny had the impression that the witch was desperately trying to escape the kitchen as quickly as possible now. "I try my best. Though there's a chance I spill this halfway up the stairs, so watch your step when you two make your way back to bed. Cheers, ladies." Tonks carefully crossed the room, her eyes on the mug of tea in her hands the entire way until she reached the door. She spun around one last time, miraculously managing to keep most of the tea in the mug, though some of it splashed across the front of the green jumper that she was wearing; she glanced down with an irritated huff, then returned her imploring gaze back to Ginny and Hermione. "I...sorry I keep harping on this, you two, but you promise you won't...don't mention this to anyone, alright? And don't...don't let Remus know that you know. We are trying to keep this private for now, and I don't know how he'd feel knowing that two of his former students -"

"Honestly, Tonks, we won't tell," Hermione promised. "We swear it."

"You can trust us," Ginny added fiercely. Tonks looked almost taken aback at her tone, then she grinned and nodded.

"Knew I could count on you two. Don't stay up too late, now. Or if you do, don't let your mother find out." Tonks winked at them, apparently already moving past - or managing to expertly cover up - any residual awkwardness and embarrassment she felt at having the two of them see her coming out of their professor's room not ten minutes before. "Goodnight, loves."

Ginny turned to gape at Hermione as soon as the door had shut behind Tonks and her slow, deliberate footsteps had retreated into the distance once she made it up the stairs from the kitchen.

"Blimey," Ginny managed finally, after several moments of silence. " _Tonks and Professor Lupin!_ Can you believe it?"

Hermione shrugged. "I think it's rather sweet," she replied, though she also still looked slightly shellshocked.

"I mean, I'm not saying it's _bad_ , it's just...they're so different."

Hermione shrugged again with a small smile. "Opposites attract sometimes, I suppose. Plus, they both have good senses of humor; come to think of it, I do feel they've been spending lots of time together, and they always seem to be laughing. Perhaps it's because they can make each other laugh."

"Perhaps," Ginny mused. "Anyway, in the event that Tonks does have a tea incident on the stairs and wakes half of London up and Mum with them, let's hurry. Sirius said there were some cauldron cakes stashed in the cupboard somewhere."

She and Hermione eventually made their way back to their room, their pockets full of sweets, where they sat across from each other on their respective beds and continued gossiping excitedly about their new discovery until they tired. "I dunno if I'll be able to look Professor Lupin in the eye for a good while," Ginny concluded with a yawn as she extinguished the lights and slipped between her covers.

The next morning, to her horror, Ginny found herself sat across from none other than Professor Lupin as Hermione, Ron, and Harry took all the other available seats on their side of the table. He looked up from the copy of the Daily Prophet that he was poring over to nod at her as she sat down. "Good morning, Ginny," he said kindly, smiling. "Did you sleep well?"

"Er - yes, Professor, thanks. Did you?" Ginny mentally kicked herself as her voice wavered slightly on the last question.

He chuckled. "I did, thank you. And no need to call me professor; I'm not your professor anymore, Ginny. Just Remus is alright."

"Right," she muttered. She was thankfully saved from having to think of anything else to say, as Tonks stumbled into the kitchen at that moment - mercifully wearing her own clothes, this time. She deposited herself rather clumsily in the chair next to Professor Lupin, throwing a sheepish grin at Ginny as she did so.

"Morning, Gin. Morning, Remus," she said, her cheeks flushing only slightly as Professor Lupin returned her greeting, politely offering to fill her plate for her. Ginny marveled at the practiced nonchalance with which Professor Lupin and Tonks greeted each other, as if they hadn't just come from the same bed.

She was distracted soon enough as Sirius made his way into the kitchen now, sitting on the other side of Tonks and immediately striking up a loud conversation about her perceived lack of musical taste as he caught sight of the Weird Sisters t-shirt that she was wearing. "I like them, you know I do, but that album is _the worst_ album! Out of the entirety of their discography, I just cannot fathom why _that album_ is the one you're most fond of."

"Oh, piss off," Tonks replied cheerfully. As Sirius was refilling his pumpkin juice, she reached over, surreptitiously spearing a bit of sausage from Professor Lupin's plate on her fork; she caught Ginny looking this time, and she winked at her as she stuffed the sausage in her mouth.

Professor Lupin looked up at Tonks, giving her a look of fake outrage before she grinned at him and turned back to Sirius, continuing their earlier conversation as if nothing had happened. Then, as soon as Tonks had turned away, Ginny watched as the look Professor Lupin was giving Tonks softened into something different, something shockingly open and almost painful in its intensity; the kind of look Ginny caught Dad giving Mum, sometimes.

Ginny glanced quickly over at Hermione, to see if she'd seen this, too; but Hermione was embroiled in some impassioned debate with Ron over house elves. Ginny briefly thought about telling her about what she'd seen later, but almost immediately decided against it. The way Professor Lupin was looking at Tonks was meant to be private; Ginny had certainly not been meant to see it. She knew she was not meant to be seeing any of this and understanding what was going on between the two, really, but _this_ look...Ginny didn't even think Tonks was meant to see it, at least not yet. Not with the way Professor Lupin fixed his normal, mild smile on his face the moment the pink haired witch turned back to him with a request to see the puzzle page of the Daily Prophet that was sitting in front of him, only the slightest bit of color rushing to his cheeks as he cleared his throat and handed the requested page over. The look was gone almost as soon as it had appeared, but Ginny hadn't missed the openness, the raw longing that she saw flash across her former professor's features. She felt embarrassed at having seen it, as if she had intruded upon something intensely private; and yet, she couldn't help but think how nice it would be to have someone look at _her_ like that. To have someone to look at like that.

She immediately felt a small stab of guilt at the thought. She _did_ have someone. Michael was perfectly nice, but he certainly didn't look at her in that way. And, Ginny thought with an even sharper stab of guilt, she didn't even really know if she _wanted_ him to look at her in that way. Because she was almost certain that she would not be able to return that look, to return that kind of feeling. Ginny thought, not for the first time, whether she was being fair in her relationship with Michael. Was it supposed to feel like something was missing? Though maybe what she was seeing with Professor Lupin and Tonks was just what an adult relationship looked like. Maybe Ginny wasn't quite meant to understand what this should look like for herself just yet, even if she was watching it unfold for the woman she'd come to think of as sort of an older sister.

She went back to surreptitiously watching Tonks and Professor Lupin across the table. She'd been baffled the night before when they'd first caught Tonks coming out of his room, and then even after their small chat in the kitchen. It wasn't that Ginny didn't like Professor Lupin; quite the opposite, in fact, as she thought quite highly of him. He'd been one of her favorite professors while he taught at Hogwarts, especially considering how difficult that year had been for her. On one occasion, he'd handed her back an essay he'd assigned to their class, and when she saw she'd performed rather worse than she'd have expected, she'd struggled to hold back tears for the rest of class as Professor Lupin had them go through their essay, making revisions for a chance to make up points. He'd apparently noticed, as he'd stopped by her desk and quietly asked her to stay back after class. He'd invited her into his office and made her a cup of tea, and while Ginny had expected questions about her study habits or her academic performance, or even for him to offer extra help and tutoring as he'd been known to offer to other students, he had kindly asked her how she was doing in general - how she was feeling, and if she was holding up alright. She'd broken down in full sobs at that - Ginny _still_ cringed at the memory - but he'd simply offered her a clean handkerchief and quietly told her to take all the time that she'd needed, and that he'd send a note to Professor Sprout to explain why she was absent from Herbology that day, if she'd like. She'd gone to his office a few times after that whenever she needed an adult who would simply _listen_ , an adult she felt cared about her as a real person - not a professor who simply cared about her grades, or who cared about her as the 'fragile girl' who'd been possessed by Tom Riddle the previous year. When she'd found out at the end of the year that he was a werewolf, it was certainly a shock at first; especially when she thought back to how many times she had been alone with him in his office. She knew Mum would _freak_ once she found out that the kind Defense professor she'd written home about who'd offered her tea and support throughout the year was, in fact, a dark creature. But she thought of how genuine he had seemed when he'd prepared tea for her just the way she liked it, or when he asked her to fill him in on the news about the Holyhead Harpies' new chaser - and she found she couldn't really find it in herself to be afraid of him, not when she knew how truly kind he was. She was deeply disappointed at his departure.

Despite all of this, she'd never in a million years have thought of Professor Lupin as the fanciable type - she'd said as much to Hermione the night before once they'd returned to their bedroom, and Hermione had airily replied that she could "rather see it," but wasn't that just like Hermione; of course she'd see the appeal of the bookish type. Professor Lupin wasn't ugly by any means, but he certainly wasn't dashingly handsome, either - he just _was_. He was someone who could easily blend into the background of wherever he happened to be at any given moment. Ginny was baffled as to why Tonks would be dating someone who wore so much beige and so many cardigans. Someone who was - perhaps by design - so unnoticeable, so unremarkable upon first glance, when she'd pictured the Auror as the type to date someone spunky and colorful, someone more like her - someone _cool_. But now, watching the two of them across the table, Ginny started to think she could maybe understand it. The way Professor Lupin looked at Tonks, the way he'd always used Tonks' first name - often saying it teasingly, yet also in a way that almost sounded as if he genuinely thought it was the loveliest name in the world (and _now_ Ginny understood why Tonks' fury always seemed rather half-hearted and teasing herself when she told off Professor Lupin about using her name - she was never quite as up-in-arms about it when _he_ said it than when anyone else used her dreaded first name). The way he would constantly help her off the floor or was quick to quietly help repair a plate she'd broken, before Mum could say something that would embarrass her - Ginny thought that maybe there was more than meets the eye when it came to what was perhaps, at least on the surface, the oddest pairing in wizarding Britain.

She was startled out of her reverie by a voice to her left. "Ginny, would you mind passing the eggs?" She looked over to see Harry gesturing to the dish that was in front of her.

"Oh, right - here you go, Harry," she replied, reaching around Hermione and Ron to pass the dish to him. His fingers brushed hers as he took it from her hands, and she quickly busied herself with pouring some more tea in her cup in order to ignore the way her stomach had squirmed at the contact. She remembered just then that she had a letter from Michael that she had yet to respond to, and she tried to ignore the cold dread that settled in the pit of her stomach when she thought of being reunited with him when the holidays were over. Maybe the whole love and relationships thing wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

* * *

_December 1996_

Ginny was excited when Mum mentioned that Tonks would be stopping by to drop off something for Dad that she couldn't risk giving him at work, likely something to do with the Order. It had been ages since Ginny had seen the Auror, though she'd been writing to her a fair bunch while she was at school - Ginny was still chuffed that Tonks treated her like she was an adult, that the older woman took the time from her busy job and her real life to answer Ginny's letters as if they were something of actual importance. While she loved her brothers, Ginny had always wondered what it would be like to have an older sister, and she felt that her relationship with Tonks was likely the closest she would be able to get to this experience.

Ginny had to admit, however, that she was rather worried about Tonks. She'd seen Professor Lupin when he came to the house at Christmas just a few days prior, and he'd looked rather horrible; once Ginny heard him talking with Harry about what he'd been doing, how he'd been living undercover with a bunch of werewolves, she understood why he looked even more stressed than usual; and she also now understood why Tonks had carefully avoided any of Ginny's questions asking after him in her letters. She knew that Professor Lupin had been away for awhile now, but she wondered whether he and Tonks still managed to keep in communication with each other. He hadn't mentioned her at all while he was at the house until Mum had made that barbed comment at breakfast on Christmas about Tonks having spent the day alone, though he'd looked rather shocked when Harry had mentioned how Tonks' patronus had changed.

Ginny knew that between Sirius' death and with Professor Lupin being away, let alone everything she had to deal with at work on a day-to-day basis, Tonks was likely extremely stressed. Yet it had still been a shock when Ginny had eagerly answered the door, excited to see her friend, and she saw a barely unrecognizable Tonks, hair limp and brown and dark shadows under her wide, tired eyes.

"Wotcher, Gin," Tonks said with a half-hearted grin as Ginny ushered her in. "Have a nice Christmas?"

"Yeah, it was alright. Tonks, are you -" Ginny was cut off as Mum bustled into the room.

"Tonks, dear! I'm so glad you could stop by."

"Wotcher, Molly. I've got that file for Arthur," Tonks said, waving the file in question. "Thanks again for letting me drop in. With things being the way they are at the Ministry nowadays, it's just too risky for me to even be seen with Arthur, so..."

"Not a problem at all, dear. Would you like some tea?" Mum had already started the kettle, and Ginny knew that she wouldn't accept no as an answer.

"Yeah, that'd be lovely, actually. Thanks."

Ginny started to draw a chair out from the table for herself when Mum suddenly whirled around. "Ginevra. Didn't you say you'd help your brothers out in the garden?"

Ginny tried not to glare at Mum. "Yeah, but now that Tonks is here I wanted to -"

"Why don't you go help your brothers, please." Ginny could tell from the tone of Mum's voice that this was not a request. She felt a small flare of anger; Tonks was _her_ friend too, and she could tell Mum was worried about her but she wasn't the only one, and now Ginny finally had the chance to see her in person and Mum was -

"Ginevra." Ginny clenched her jaw to stifle the outburst she felt coming.

"It's alright, Gin, I'll make sure I see you to say hi before I leave, alright?" Tonks gave Ginny another one of those weird smiles, as if she it was painful to force it. Which was yet another reason for Ginny to worry; Tonks had always been quick with a laugh and an easy smile.

Nevertheless, she stormed out of the kitchen with a huff, closing the door loudly behind her as she hammered her way up the stairs. She made her way back down the stairs as quietly as possible, however, one of the twins' Extendable Ears in her hand; if Mum wouldn't let her find out what was going on, she'd find out for herself.

She crouched down the hallway and inserted the fleshy ear-piece. No one was speaking for a moment; Ginny heard one of them set down a teacup, then she heard someone take a shaky breath. Likely Tonks, from the way her voice wavered slightly as she spoke next: "How was he, Molly? When you saw him at Christmas." Ginny had a feeling her suspicions were correct; they must be talking about Professor Lupin.

"I tried to get him to visit you, dear, I really did; but that stubborn man seemed set on -"

"It's alright," came Tonks' tired reply. "I don't - that's not what I meant. I didn't expect to see him, I wanted to respect his wishes so that he could have a restful holiday." _His wishes?_ Ginny frowned. So was Professor Lupin avoiding Tonks, then? Perhaps they hadn't been in touch at all while he'd been with the werewolves, after all. "I just mean...did he look alright? Healthy? Somewhat, anyway?"

Ginny noticed that Mum paused now; she had a feeling she was trying to figure out a way to be honest with Tonks without quite letting on just how ragged and sickly Professor Lupin had looked when he'd been to the Burrow. "He seemed alright, love. Definitely a bit on the thin side, but he seemed grateful to have had a warm meal and a comfortable bed, at least for a couple days. I tried to get him to stay longer, but he said he had to return to the camp fairly soon afterwards in order to avoid suspicion. But he assured me that he is doing fine and that he is safe."

Ginny heard Tonks give what sounded like a bitter laugh. "I think Remus has a different definition of 'doing fine and safe' than the rest of us do. At least he hasn't gotten himself killed yet, I suppose." _Merlin, was the place Lupin staying in really that bad?_ _No wonder he'd seemed a bit of an empty shell of a man at Christmas._ "But thanks, Molly. And thanks for...for making sure he's okay. That's all I really want now. To know that he's...that he's doing alright. Despite the circumstances. It's just so hard to get any information about him, I can't help but worry."

Ginny heard Mum tut a bit, the type of noise she made whenever she disapproved of something. "Has he written to you at all, love?"

"He...he sent me a note on Christmas, actually. He said that -"

But Ginny didn't get to hear what Professor Lupin had said, because suddenly she heard the door to the back garden open, one of the twins calling her name. She stood, hastily stuffing the Extendable Ear into her pocket. She didn't want one of her brothers to come by and ask why she was eavesdropping on Tonks and Mum, because then they'd suspect that she possibly knew why Tonks had been looking so downtrodden lately, and she knew they'd ask because they were as nosy as she was. And Ginny knew that it wasn't her place to tell.

Later on in the afternoon, true to her word, Tonks did stop by briefly to say bye to Ginny while she helped Fred and George de-gnome the garden (Ginny swore that half of her time spent at home was spent taking care of these stupid gnomes). She didn't stay to chat long, however, giving Ginny a brief hug and a rather impersonal "Have fun back at school, alright?" before walking away to the Burrow's apparition boundaries. Ginny felt rather hurt, but she ignored the impulse to snap at the twins when they started speculating on the reason why Tonks had looked so glum lately. She let one outburst slip, however, when George made what Ginny thought a rather cruel remark about how she'd been prettier when her hair was pink. "The brown rather washes her out, I think," he added as Fred nodded in agreement.

"Maybe she's simply got a lot going on, you thoughtless prat. Her cousin died and she's dealing with the war just like everyone else, you know," she snapped. "Plus, what's it to you what color her hair is? A woman isn't only worth what she looks like, you know; and still, for what it's worth, I think Tonks looks just fine no matter her hair color. And as if she'd spare a second thought towards what _you_ two think of her appearance."

George had the grace to look properly abashed. "You're right, Gin; I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Yeah well, no one ever means anything by it, do they? But all men do is expect women to _look_ perfect and _be_ perfect all the time. God forbid women have actual things to worry about rather than the way their hair looks on any given day."

"You're right, Gin," George said again. "I really am sorry. It was a shitty thing to -"

"I'm going back inside," Ginny replied abruptly. She stalked back towards the house, ignoring the astounded looks she could feel burning into the back of her neck from her brothers.

Ginny was fairly wrapped up in everything going on at school over the next couple of months; however, Tonks was still often at the back of her mind, and Ginny found herself opening up to the older witch through letter again. One response in particular had stuck out to Ginny. She'd started to feel odd about her relationship with Dean, and she was starting to tire of forcing herself to act like all was fine. It was like Michael all over again, yet somehow worse, because Dean was cool and was always so nice to her and objectively, things were great. So why did Ginny feel so... _not_ great about it? Especially whenever Harry was in the room?

Ginny had written Tonks - feeling only slightly self-conscious as she hurriedly scribbled her letter, though she found this stuff slightly easier to write about than to talk about face-to-face, which was one of the reasons why she was going to Tonks now rather than Hermione. She'd asked the older witch how to know if one is in love, and more importantly, how to know when love is _worth it_. She'd had the nagging feeling, yet again, that her relationship wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She and Dean got along quite well, and they had fun together - more fun than she and Michael had had - but there was still something that was just _missing_. She quite liked Dean - she really liked him a lot. But there were still times when she found herself thinking of Harry - thinking of what it would be like to do the things that she and Dean did together with Harry instead - and though she felt incredibly guilty, she was also starting to wonder how she should go about confronting these feelings for her other friend, for "the Chosen One," as it seemed now they extended far beyond friendly admiration and a girlish infatuation - and that they likely had for a long time.

_It's hard to tell someone else how to know when you're in love, Gin, because it's different for everybody. With some it happens quickly; with others it sneaks up on you, slowly, so that you find yourself wondering when a strong and healthy platonic admiration ended and your love began. Sometimes it starts as a crush, something you think may be fleeting and something which feels silly but which eventually turns into something much deeper, much more meaningful, something you know you won't be able to let go of easily. But however you realize it, you'll know. Even when it's difficult, you'll feel that you could do anything - you can face anything - as long as they're by your side in some capacity. You'll want to share everything with them, even the littlest things - even the embarrassing things, like how you spilled an entire thermos of tea all over some important documents at work or how you accidentally flashed your knickers at an entire bar full of Muggles once. Because you know that sharing these things with them, it'll make the bad things bearable and the good things even better._

_As for how to know whether or not it's worth it, that's a tricky one, too. I have a feeling you're asking this maybe because of something going on with Dean - don't answer that if you don't want to - so I won't pry, but I will say that I think deep down, you know the answer yourself. For a moment, allow yourself to forget about what everyone else in the world thinks - even Dean - and focus on how you feel. Focus on how you feel when you're around Dean, and how that compares to how you feel when you're alone, or when you're with Hermione or any of your friends - or focus on how you feel around a specific someone else, if you think that's the issue._

_It's worth it if you feel you can be yourself around them. I was your age once, Gin, and I'm not saying that this is how you're feeling - you're a smart girl, and you've always been mature for your age. But everyone - boys, too, you know - go through a phase where a strong enough infatuation is enough to make you want to act like a completely different person. Maybe you haven't felt this way, but...sometimes, the temptation to be someone you're not, even in the smallest of ways, can feel more comfortable than allowing someone you admire so much to see who you really are. And I think that's normal for everyone, even us old pensioners. But the important thing is that once you get to know that person, you grow out of that. Once you get to know someone, you should feel comfortable with them. More than anything - more than wanting to impress them - you should feel comfortable and happy when you're with them. And if they can't accept you for who you are, no matter how difficult it is, that's not a love that's worth holding onto. If they can, however - if they see you for who you are, if they like you as you like yourself, then that's worth waiting for, I think. I know - speaking from experience, so don't take this the wrong way - a lot of people, especially boys, can feel intimidated by women who can hold their own, women who have strong personalities and who don't need someone to look after them or help them out. But if you can find someone who doesn't feel threatened by this, someone who admires your strength and your intelligence without feeling the need to prove themselves to you or one-up you, that's worth holding onto. And it's likely worth waiting for, if necessary. Don't put your life on hold for another person, and don't wait around forever, but...you'll know when it's worth waiting. You'll know what your limits are. And if it's meant to work out, it will work out in the end. And even if it doesn't, you'll be okay. You're strong, Gin. You'll be okay no matter what; I know you will._

Ginny had had a feeling that Tonks wasn't simply speaking in hypotheticals, and this letter in particularly was far more serious than their letters back and forth usually were. She realized now that perhaps she hadn't quite understood the depth of Tonks' relationship with Professor Lupin, and she still wasn't sure she fully understood - nor that she would ever fully understand - but her heart ached for her friend, and she was grateful for Tonks' advice.

And yet, she noted with frustration as she reread the letter a third time, it somehow just made things all the more confusing for Ginny. Not for the first time, she wondered if love really _was_ even worth it, since all it seemed to do was cause headaches and heartbreaks. No wonder Mum loved rubbish like Celestina Warbeck; all anyone ever sang about were the cheesier parts of love, and it made it easier to pretend that being in love was so black and white - either you were, or you weren't. No one ever told you that it hardly ever worked out to be that simple and straightforward, though, did they?

* * *

_July 1997_

Ginny took her seat between Hermione and Harry, a leaden feeling in her stomach. Despite the sunshine and the promising warmth in the air, the crowd at the funeral was rather somber, their voices hushed as they whispered to one another while waiting for the ceremony to begin. Ginny took a shuddering breath, taking a look around at all the people who had come to bid Albus Dumbledore farewell. She felt an odd sense of comfort from seeing several of the Order members seated a few rows up, her parents among them; she even felt a small rush of affection towards Fleur as she watched her help Bill to his seat. She saw, two rows ahead of them, Tonks and Professor Lupin. Tonks' hair was pink again, to Ginny's delight. In all the madness surrounding Dumbledore's death, she hadn't yet gotten a chance to talk to the Auror, and over the past few days she'd spent more than a passing moment thinking of her friend - along with all the other shit going on - after the events in the hospital wing.

Tonks had left the hospital wing in a rush after a muttered apology to the room at large the night of the battle, the night Bill was attacked, clearly embarrassed by what she'd said to Professor Lupin in front of everyone. Ginny had sat, frozen, wanting to call after her - she wanted to say something to her, to comfort her somehow - she was seized by this desire to help put something right, to _fix_ something, to help stem the anxious nausea that she felt whenever she caught sight of her eldest brother laying there, bloody in his bed. But Tonks had left too quickly, her cheeks pink and her eyes bright, and Ginny thought that if that were her, she'd likely prefer to be alone for a little bit, too. And so she stayed sat in her chair, feeling as if she were glued there.

Professor Lupin had remained behind for awhile longer, though he kept glancing at the door after Tonks had left; shortly afterwards, as Mum had managed to dry her tears enough to take a turn applying salve to Bill's wounds, Ginny had seen Fleur make her way over to the werewolf. Fleur's voice had been stern, as she said something that Ginny couldn't manage to overhear. However, a look of panic had flitted over his face as he glanced back to the doors to the hospital wing again, and Ginny heard him say something about "having made a rather big mistake" before quietly excusing himself. Ginny saw Fleur nod and take his hand, giving it a small squeeze before gesturing to the door. "Go find her," she heard her soon to be sister-in-law say, not unkindly. "I do not think it is too late. You will not know if you do not try." Professor Lupin was nearly to the door when Ginny suddenly sprung from her chair and called to him.

"Professor?"

He turned around, surprised, one hand on the doorknob. A hand that was shaking slightly, Ginny noticed. "Ginny. It's Remus, I've told you that." He gave her a rather sad smile. "I really am sorry about Bill. I - I wish I could say more to reassure you all. But I assure you that if you or Ron or - or anyone in your family has any questions, you can always feel free to reach out to me and I -"

"No, it's - it's not that. I just wanted to say, Professor - Remus. I just wanted to say, Remus, that I think you'd make Tonks really happy," she said boldly, feeling her cheeks flush slightly as his eyebrows shot up. Several emotions flickered across his features too quickly for Ginny to recognize what he was thinking before his face, still drawn and pale and smudged with dirt and something that looked like blood from the evening's events, settled into a rather bemused expression. "Sorry, I know it's none of my business. I just thought - I think you two would be nice together. Just thought you should know that." She swallowed before she continued. "Tonks is a really cool, special person, and she seems to think that you're really cool and special, too. And I think that that means a lot coming from someone like Tonks."

Professor Lupin stared at her for a moment before clearing his throat, blinking as he briefly looked away. Ginny saw the corners of his mouth start to curve into the smallest of smiles, however. "That it does," he replied quietly. "I should -" He gestured rather jerkily to the door now.

"Right," Ginny replied, taking a step back. "Take care, Prof- Remus."

"You too, Ginny. I'm sure I'll see you soon." And with one last sad smile, he'd opened the door to the hospital wing, exiting into the corridor beyond. As the door had closed, Ginny had seen him walk briskly down the corridor, appearing as if he was trying extremely hard to hold himself back from breaking into a sprint. She hoped that he would find Tonks, that he would say the right thing - that he would _do_ the right thing - and that it wasn't too late.

Now, at the funeral, Tonks' hair was pink and though Professor Lupin still looked as exhausted as ever, the shadows under his eyes standing out against the pallor of his face as he glanced towards the white tomb in front of the crowd, Ginny saw him turn to Tonks as she whispered something in his ear, and then she saw him give the Auror a smile - the kind of smile Ginny had seen him give her long ago, back in Grimmauld Place, back when Sirius was still alive and Dumbledore was alive and before Bill had been attacked by Greyback. And Ginny felt that even though most things were going completely tits up in pretty much every single way possible, perhaps there was still some sort of hope left in the world.

The funeral passed in a blur; Ginny swallowed thickly around the lump in her throat, not bothering to try and stop the tears once they started to flow; she heard Hermione sniffling next to her as well, and at one point she reached over and briefly squeezed her hand. Her other shoulder was resting comfortably against Harry's, and she felt him shift every so often in his chair as the sun beat down on them and the wizard in the black robes spoke in front of Dumbledore's body. Ginny sniffed, and glanced over at Harry to see him looking away, looking across the Great Lake. She'd felt something between them earlier that morning at breakfast; Harry had seemed far away. Further away than usual. And she didn't think it only had to do with Dumbledore's funeral.

As the funeral drew to a close, Ginny felt her tears stop, and she took a clear, deep breath. She was tired. Yet, she felt a strange sort of determined energy at the same time. She could still feel Harry shifting beside her, and she wondered if he felt the same way.

The crowd started to disperse; Hermione, still sniffling, turned to say something to Ron. Out of the corner of her eye, Ginny saw Professor Lupin and Tonks get to their feet; Professor Lupin's nose looked slightly reddened, and Ginny realized that perhaps he had been crying, too. Tonks was still holding his hand, and looking up into his face with the same painfully intense look that Ginny had seen him wear on several occasions, the kind that Ginny was still embarrassed to witness. Ginny noticed with a small jolt that Dolores Umbridge was watching the pair across several rows of quickly emptying chairs, a look of shock and disgust spreading across her face. Ginny made a mental note to mention this to Tonks later; it felt important that she know this, that she know that Umbridge might know about her and Lupin considering Tonks' position at the Ministry - but then she was distracted again when she realized that Harry was watching her.

She turned to look at him, raising her head defiantly as he met her gaze, his green eyes clear even as he chewed his lip worriedly, a resigned look on his face. _You'll know when it's worth waiting for. And if it's meant to work out, it will work out in the end._ Tonks' letter to her - when Ginny had written to her under the guise of 'boy issues,' when it had so clearly been Harry that she was hung up over - Tonks' words were echoing in her head now, as she watched Harry watching her. She'd known this was going to happen, that they would come to this eventually. She only wished they'd had longer together before this. But oddly enough, Ginny felt alright. Perhaps 'at peace' wasn't quite the way to describe it, but Ginny felt comfortable in her conviction that it would all work out in the end.

Harry took a deep breath now, and Ginny continued holding his gaze; she knew what Harry was going to say, and she steeled herself for what was coming, but she knew that no matter what, even once they'd gone their separate ways, they'd be okay. She didn't know exactly what was going to happen, but she somehow still knew they'd be alright. Because Harry had been looking at her in the same way that Professor Lupin and Tonks had been looking at each other.

"Ginny, listen..." Harry said very quietly. He was still looking at her in that way.

_You'll know when it's worth waiting for._

**Author's Note:**

> This fic sort of came out of nowhere, and I wrote most of it in one go, so forgive any repetition or strange continuity. I've always really liked Ginny, and wanted to explore writing from another POV a bit; I've also always enjoyed the idea of getting glimpses of Remus and Tonks' relationship from another person, a 'bystander.' I know it's not quite canon compliant, as the trio and Ginny didn't really know why Tonks was upset throughout HBP, but I took some liberties with the story while trying to remain true to the characters and how I think it could have played out if Ginny and Hermione had known.
> 
> Anyway, your usual reminder that I am not JKR, I do not own these characters or the story, I'm just borrowing them to play around with a bit. Trans rights are human rights. Thanks for reading!


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